Home to Energy recently wrote about trying to explain the American Middle Finger Salute to her six-year-old and finding that this conversation only leads to a discussion of "the birds and the bees" (which she was graciously spared by possibly divine intervention). Granted, I laughed until I had tears when I read (and then again shared) this account. But it got me to thinking about rude hand gestures and why they evolve.
I am only guessing here, but I would assume that The Middle Finger is probably anatomical in origin as is the British and Australian V (backwards "peace" sign). The Asian "got your nose" gesture and the South American "OK" sign probably also fit into this category. And all of them are rude sexual references. But the French Thumb Nail Bite and Beard Flip make no sense to me at all (eh, they are French -- what more explanation do you need?).
My office manager mentioned that when she was a child her older sister explained to her that the middle finger gesture was "all of the bad words rolled up into one". And that is as good an explanation as any for a child's understanding. I don't think that children need to know that a middle finger is a rude sexual gesture, per se, but just that it is as bad a gesture as it can be. Truth be told, gestures are not usually literal anyway; although, I was once propositioned by a hooker in Korea with the "got your nose" gesture -- and yes, I am sure that she meant "come on up and see me" and not just "get the heck out of here you stupid American". But that one incident aside, usually the gestures are just meant to be rude. Thus, a vague explanation of "it's a very bad gesture" is not inaccurate.
It is also interesting to me that when people want to be the most mean to each other they suggest that the other person engage in a form of physical intimacy that is usually quite pleasurable (unless, of course, the suggestion is one that is physically impossible, like "go do yourself", which makes no sense at all, or is morally reprehensible, like "go do your [fill in the relative]"). Personally, I don't use such language or hand gestures. They are rude and for the most part I try to be as "non-rude" as I can be.
And then this line of thinking hearkens me back to a conversation I had with HTE and our brother about the meaning of words and the fundamentally moral value of words themselves. My point (and HTE did not fully agree at the time, and I would doubt she has changed her mind since then) was that words in and of themselves are worthless. They are merely sounds to which we have assigned sentiment and meanings, but that to other people, particularly other languages, these words are nothing more than random sounds. For that matter, the glyphs you are reading right now are no more than scratchings to which we have assigned meanings and associated sounds. For example, the sounds of that "evil" middle finger gesture word (yes, the "F" word) are used extensively in Vietnamese (I think it means noodle, and is Anglicized as "Phuk" or something like that). Sounds are neither evil nor good. They are just sounds. That does not give us license to go around spouting sounds that are offensive to those around us, but we should also not take offense at the sounds we hear.
In fact, we shouldn't take offense even when the sounds spouted are intended to offend us. I don't use nor care for the dreaded "F" word, but I don't flinch every time it is heard in my presence. If I were a teacher of children, then maybe I would try to curb such behaviors as a means of teaching social responsibility or manners or just better vocabulary skills. But I am not a teacher and so all I can do is be an example of one who speaks with more useful words. If the time ever presented itself that only the "F" word were appropriate, then I would use it. But I have yet to find such a time (although in an ancient Latin poem where the word was "Latinized" the usage is funny as it both rhymes and turns the phrase into a double entendre -- but that is a rare example).
The lesson for today -- learn all the words you can and use them to the utter disgust of everyone you meet. I have found that having a somewhat broad vocabulary gets me into trouble -- either I will use a word incorrectly or no one will have a clue what I am saying or both. But I think that is better than sounding like a Smurf.
3 comments:
While I agree, to some extent, that words are combinations of sounds to which meaning has been attached, I cannot deny that I have an involuntary emotional reaction to certain combinations of sounds. The "F" word always makes me feel yucky and shuddery inside. On the other hand, the "C" word has absolutely no affect on me...but I'd never even heard that word until after I'd turned 20, and it still sounds like a nonsense word to me. Even though I've been told it's every bit as offensive (maybe worse!) as the "F" word, it still is meaningless. I don't say it because someone told me it was a bad word.
And once, while playing Scrabble with B~, she was rearranging her letters, and asked me if "c___" was a word. I smiled and told her it is, but I've been told it's a bad word, so she shouldn't use it in Scrabble, and shouldn't say it again.
Words are weird.
That reminds me -- it's time to play Scrabble again.
I don't think that "bad words" are illegal per the Scrabble rules. But B~ probably wouldn't get a lot of points for c___. :)
Mom and I played two games of Scrabble on this last cruise. She almost beat me (but I went out leaving her holding the Q, hehe).
Is there a way to play Scrabble with each other on-line?
Because my summer was more than just a little hecktic, I just read this blog today. So please pardon my late response.
First of all, I no longer disagree with you on the point that words are just sounds upon which humans have placed meaning. Did you know that the word "fuch" is also a german word -- keep in mind that in german, the "ch" sound is often pronounced as "f" in English. I think it is a form of the word meaning "drive" or something like that.
However, didn't the Lord tell us to be mindful of our words, and not to swear by anything, letting our language be nothing more than "yay" and "nay"? (I'm sure you know the reference to that. I think we covered it in Sunday School last weekend, actually.) If He feels that words and their meanings are harmful, then perhaps Daredevil Mom and I are justified in cringing when certain words pass our ears. Personally, I think the Lord DOES get offended when such language is used, so I don't feel badly when it offends me.
Second, I tried to tell my youngest and most inquisitive son that the middle finger is "all the bad words rolled up into one" and he responded with, "which bad words, mom? What are they?" Some children just don't want the surface answer. And I've found that when parents are too afraid or embarrassed to tell their children the truth, those children will go to someone else who often tells them MUCH more than you want them to know, and generally in a cruder and/or ruder manner. Sometimes it's best to err on the side of caution.
Of course, I AM a teacher of small children (preschool through 5th grade), so I have the responsibility to teach that certain words are inappropriate at school. I can't say much beyond that, but they know how strongly I feel about profanity.
Now, having said all that...
When N~ continued to ask me -- even up until just a few weeks ago -- I finally told him that "there are certain things you don't need to know until you're a little older, and when the time comes that I feel you're ready for the information, I promise I will tell you more. Okay?" FINALLY, he was okay with that and has dropped the subject. We'll see when he decides to bring it up again. Let's hope it's not for another couple of years!
By the way... on a similar note... (I know, this is getting long)...
B~ is in the 5th grade. We all know what that means, of course. But in case you forgot, this is the year they teach sex education. He told me he knows they're going to talk about sex in class, and asked, "mom, how does sex work, anyway?" I glanced over at N~, who was ALL EARS of course, and said, "tell you what, son, let's find a time when we're alone and I'll explain it to you before you have to hear it in class. Okay?" He was okay with that, but N~ began to sulk. Too bad! TOTALLY not ready to talk about sex with my 7-year-old!!
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