Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of my father's passing. He was with my mother celebrating their 41st wedding anniversary in San Diego at a musical convention (Mom is an officer in her local chapter of the Music Teachers' Association of California). As I think I have mentioned before, he has a massive coronary while walking with my mother back to the hotel from a lecture on Beethoven Piano Sonatas. A couple of hours later, I received a phone call from my little brother who was near hysterical and I had to go into "Big Brother To Action" mode. There was much that had to be taken care of and there were those who looked to me to do it. So I did. My little brother was worried that I didn't get a chance to properly grieve. I did get that chance, but it was some time later and in my own way. Some things are done best alone.
Before they left for San Diego, Dad called me to say they were going. I thought it odd at the time as they were only to be gone for an extended weekend, but I appreciated the phone call nonetheless. I ended it by saying that I would see him when he got back. I did. And I have seen him since (but those are stories for another post).
Normally, you would expect that I spent at least part of yesterday visiting his grave site. I didn't. I did think about him a bit and I did wish my mother "Happy 46nd Wedding Anniversary" (to which she responded, "Has it really been that long?"). But, to put it tritely, life moves on. I had work to do. We attended my nephew's baptism yesterday evening (my wife and I were asked to give the prayers and Mom spoke on the importance of baptism). I am sure that my father was a proud grandfather looking in on his grandson's baptism.
A lot happened five years ago. Besides my father passing away, two of my sisters got divorced. The events weren't related, but they did occur during that "Year From Hell". The younger of those sisters, with her two young sons, moved in with my mother. The little brother mentioned above and his wife were already living there and the resulting influx of bodies led to some very unpleasant emotions being unleashed. It took several months (closer to a couple of years) to at least stop the bleeding, let alone heal the wounds.
Five years ago, in December, I was called to be my ward's financial clerk, a church calling I have enjoyed more than almost any other I've had.
Near the end of December, the little pickup truck that my father loaned me $8,000 to buy while I was in college (and which I paid him back within my first year out of college), died. I was headed to work and it just stopped. The mechanic said that the on-board computer was fried. The cost to even diagnose the issue (including knowing whether or not the rest of the electrical system was shot) was much more than the value of the vehicle. I donated the 13 year old friend to a charity and bought a Prius (and I still love my "new" car).
Five years ago, my wife and I had to fight the school system to get our son into an autism class. We had to visit a medical specialist who gave a medical diagnosis of autism in order to convince the short-sighted administrators of what we knew best as parents. That being that our son was not and would not be able to cope in the regular "special learning" classes they shoved him into. He was so over-stimulated by the stuff hanging from the ceiling and posted on the walls and spewing from the teacher and aides that he daily broke down, spun in a circle, cried and then hid in a corner of the room (face to the wall). In the end, we pulled him from the school program entirely, learned more about autism, and with medical diagnosis in hand (and a little help from the Regional Center) got our son into the County Autism Program. He has excelled ever since and is considered by all of his teachers and therapists as one of the best students they have ever had. Yes, I am a proud father, but I can show you the official records to back me up. :)
Five years ago today I was dealing with death, grief, sorrow, sadness, pain, and confusion (i.e. "what do we do now?"). Since then I have given seminars on what to do when a loved one dies. With the immense help of my wife, I created a checklist to use for that event and I have let Bishops and many others use it to help others cope with this very common event. I am at a point in my life where my older friends and relatives are beginning to cross over to the other side of existence. Five years ago, I learned how to deal with this first hand and since then I have been able to help dozens of others deal with the same.
Five years ago my father died. Am I wallowing in grief today? No. As I said, life goes on. Both mine and his.
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