Tasteless Joke

You've been warned...

Did you hear about the lawyer with diarrhea?

He thought he was melting.

For some reason, I just needed to share that one. There may be others coming. Again, you were warned. And do you know how hard that word is to spell?

Welcome To Tax Season

You can leave your sanity outside -- life is crazy in here.

I've wanted to write for some time. I really wanted to write on Leap Day since it doesn't come around very often. I even started a post and then the computer ate it (no, really, the screen blipped and my writing was gone -- I guess I wasn't meant to say those things).

The other day my sister, wife and I (with others in the room commenting as they could) had a conversation about addictions. She was saying something that I have agreed with since I saw the movie "What The Bleep Do We Know?" My wife didn't like the film, but I found it to be very interesting. One point that was brought up was that addiction is a brain chemical reaction -- certain behaviors trigger a chemical reaction in our brains that after a while our brains crave. Thus, we become addicted to the behavior. This wasn't new to me, but the twist that I liked was that the behavior didn't have to be the usual cadre of addictions (tobacco, alcohol, narcotics, caffeine, chocolate, sex, etc.). Some, in fact many, people become addicted to certain attitudes, be they good or bad, because the same chemical reaction occurs.

I'm sure you have met that person who is never happy unless she is complaining (forgive me if that sounded sexist by making the person female -- very unintentional). In fact, she is never happy, period. And you wonder why she is always complaining. It is because she is addicted to a negative behavior. And while she isn't happy when she is complaining, her brain is getting that chemical stimulus that it craves. Thus, she HAS to complain or she will go through withdrawal symptoms.

I find this fascinating. And my sister did, too (as far as I could tell). She mentioned that she didn't think that she had ever been addicted to anything. I referenced a time in her life when she was very depressed and was complaining often, even seeking sympathy from any and all, and made the point that she could have been addicted to being depressed at that time. I don't think that she liked my thought and I hope I didn't offend her. But I do wonder if when we are in deep depression, which she was (and we should all give her a break due to the circumstances of those months -- she lost a father and a husband in rapid succession), if our brains don't start to feed on that depression and begin to crave it more, or at least crave the chemical reaction that is stimulated by the depressive thoughts flooding in.

Could this be why the best cure for depression seems to be to do something for someone else? If we starve the brain of its chemical fix, we have to literally replace that "high" with something else. Service to others and the love we receive from the recipient and from the Spirit is a powerful alternative drug to depression (or any other addictive attitude). As I watched my sister go from depressed lump to vibrant single working mother, I noticed that she helped to overcome her depression through service to others, including her sons, her extended family, her church callings, and her work. She works in early childhood education and while that is a place not reserved for this Accounting Man, she seems to thrive there (and more power to her).

Whether she agrees with me or not, I think my sister overcame her depression and her addiction to it through service and hard work. "Forget Yourself" is good advice to any and all, but especially I think to those who can do nothing but feel down. If we can turn towards others, and in a very real way, turn towards our Savior, depression will have no place in our world. And our brains will stop craving it and start to crave the high of serving others and feeling good about them and us.

What a marvelous thing this body is! It may take an eternity to get it to a state of perfection because it is such a complicated thing. But the interesting point is that when we subject the physical to the spiritual, the physical follows along very nicely and both are exalted.

The Faith of the Few

Daredevil Mom posted a quick note to ask for the prayers of her readers in behalf of her friend. No details were shared, but this friend has need of divine help (I happen to know the situation and I will be adding my prayers). What touched me was that within moments, one of her readers responded that she would pray for this person, even though the reader had no idea what was needed nor even the person's name.

I've written before that we are all part of the family of God -- He is our Father and we are all brothers and sisters in a very real way. Of course, we would pray for our sister, and do anything else in our power to help her, since we love her as a brother or sister would. By the same token, our hearts are grieved by the actions taken against our sister by a man who has been cruel and devilish. This man is also our brother. And while his actions have been those of a monster, we should pray for him too. We should pray that he will find repentance and forgiveness, even if we know that his actions are dark and sinister.

I have always said that I am glad that I am not the ultimate judge. Part of me would like to see justice pronounced upon this man -- and by justice I mean pain equal to what he has caused to others. But I realize even as I write such thoughts here, that to demand justice for him would be to deny him the mercy Christ freely gives to all of us. I am in no position to condemn this man and probably have need to repent of such an evil thought. For since I am not God, it is not my place to take away from one of His children the gift of life and agency He has given us all.

Lucifer's plan was to usurp God's domain. God the Father alone has the authority to judge His children. He gives that authority to Christ, who sits upon the judgement seat and offers to us the opportunity to repent. If we accept Christ's atonement, His mercy, then He pleads for us when we stand before the Father, humbly asking to return to Their presence. To take upon myself the role of judge and deny another what I myself need in so much abundance would be a grievous error indeed. Thus, I am glad that the judgement is not my responsibility -- by myself, without divine intervention, I would probably be a poor judge.

But back to my original thoughts (the blog is titled "musings" -- I tend to ramble in my musings). DM's friends love her enough to pray for someone they do not know, but only know that this is a person that DM loves. My friend's friends are my friends and my sister's sister is my sister, too. Well, of course she is our friend and sister, if not by blood, then by spirit. And if all of DM's blog readers pray for "DM's friend" what miracles could occur? If mountains can be moved by the faith of one, could whole worlds be shaken by the combined faith of a few? If all of the church members prayed for the same thing, with faith that their prayers would be answered, would that thing come to pass?

I'm inclined to think that it would, for better or for worse. Like any parent, when all of your children ask fervently for the same thing, are you not inclined to grant them their desires? And especially if their desires are the same as your desires? But that must be the key -- do we ask amiss? We won't if we follow the promptings of the Spirit and ask only for that which needs to come to pass. Why then do we need to ask at all if we are only asking for that which our Father already intends to provide? The answer I think lies in the truth that this life is for OUR perfection. We must learn the lessons and one of those lessons is how to listen to the Spirit. The power that comes from aligning our lives with the will of the Father is greatly untapped, in my opinion.

And what if so many, while only a few, were to listen to the Spirit and then pray for their brothers and sisters? Could the world be improved and peace finally reign? If we turn our hearts to each other, will our hearts be increased in love? Will we finally see one another as we truly are? Maybe I am asking for the promised utopia of Christ's Millennial Reign. But could we find some peace, if not worldwide, then in pockets here and there, by just praying for each other, even when we only know that our unknown brother or sister is in need? If we find ourselves praying for even those we don't know have we attained a new level of love and spirituality? Wouldn't we be closer to being ready for Christ's coming?

And thus it is that I pray tonight for DM's friend. And I pray in thankfulness for DM's readers who love DM enough to add their prayers to hers and mine. And if you don't mind, I pray for you, dear reader. You too are my sibling and if for nothing else, I'm grateful for your attention. Maybe you can join me in prayer for DM's friend. I don't care if you are a member of my church or another or don't belong to any church. God is still our Father and He listens to our prayers.

And Happiness For All

More than twice this past week someone has commented to me (in response to something I've said), "Thanks, I really needed to laugh today." And I am happy to bring a little chuckle to people every now and then. Sometimes I can be quite funny (yes, accountants can be funny). But I started to think about how many people commented that they needed to laugh. Is it just me or is it sad that so many people are lacking in happiness, or at least joviality, in their lives? Maybe it is just this season of the year when the weather turns colder and the skies turn darker and the holiday stress beats down upon us.

And yet, shouldn't now be the season for happiness? Shouldn't now be the season for laughter and jovial fun? Shouldn't now be the time to laugh with friends and family, even if it is just to observe how human and funny we all are? Shouldn't now, when we celebrate the birth of our Savior, King, Lord and Redeemer be the time when our burdens are lifted and our hearts are lighter? I didn't say that we should be silly or light-minded. Indeed, there is never really a right time for light-mindedness (though there are times for some silliness now and then). But we should have lightened hearts, as opposed to heavy hearts.

(Speaking of silly, while my family and I were in New Orleans this past month, my sister and I were walking down the grand staircase in our hotel. For some reason we both started to race each other to the bottom. About 5 or 6 stairs from the landing, I got the idea to jump, and thus beat her to the bottom. She had the exact same idea at the exact same time. We both hit, rather hard, the cement and tile landing at the same time and broke out laughing. We also both realized that we were no longer as young as we once were and that the landing did jar our legs and feet a bit more than we would have liked. Of course, this realization made it all the more funny.)

I am reminded of a desire I once had to write a book about happiness. I was taking time off between changing jobs and I thought to write down my impressions on living and achieving a happy lifestyle. I was very young (and idealistic) and I am sure my book would have sounded like so much rehashed tripe. But the point is that I have thought for a long time that we in this country (and maybe in many parts of the world) do not know how to be happy. We search for happiness everywhere and never seem to find it. We attend seminars, lectures, retreats, and buy books, devices, herbs, and medicines and yet we still aren't satisfied (I did recognize the monetary incentive to writing such a book -- it is a billion dollar industry and I wanted a piece of it). Maybe we need to look more inside than outside.

We say we relax and yet we don't. When was the last time you turned off ALL of the electronic devices that command your attention and actually relaxed? No phones (cell or otherwise), faxes, pagers, PDAs, TVs, radios, computers, lights (I'll explain in a minute), video games, or appliances of any sort. If you listen right now you should be able to hear the various hums of those machines. Even if you conscientiously don't listen to them, that noise is always there. The lights in my office, the computers, the fridge, and the heater are only a few of the sounds that I can hear right now. And they are CONSTANTLY on. They are destroying our hearing. They are giving us headaches. And they make us agitated with their low level humming. Why do you automatically feel more peaceful in the forest? Might I suggest that the lack of electronic humming is a key to relaxation? Has our dependence on and use of technology helped us lose, or at least misplace, our happiness, maybe even our sanity?

Every so often we need to relax. And every so often we need to laugh. Many studies have shown that laughter is good for us. It makes us feel better by releasing endorphins into our brains and bloodstream. Laughing increases the amount of oxygen in our blood, which helps us think, breath, pump blood, digest, etc. And it is great exercise for the abdominals and diaphragm.

So why do we deprive ourselves of these things? Why do we stress ourselves out and then seek out "recreational" activities that make us even more tired as opposed to invigorated?

I say it is time to stand up and laugh! Don't just sit there reading this gibberish! Stand up, take a deep breath, and let a belly busting burst of laughter come forth! Arise and Be Happy!

And then tell a good joke to someone, because chances are, they are in need of a laugh, too.

The Worst Season is Over

Most people don't understand that tax accountants have two busy seasons -- April and October (or March and September for those who concentrate on corporate tax). October 15 is usually a difficult date for my firm (as it is for many others) as there are no more days for delay. No more extensions. No more tomorrows. No more anything. Which is also a good thing -- the deadline arrives, and like it or not, we're done.

Or at least we were, until this year. This year was the worst possible busy season ever. Up until now, October 2001 was the worst. In 2001, we were completing the 2000 year tax returns. The year 2000 was the last year of the Dot Com boom (the beginning of the end) and a lot of people made a lot of money in the late nineties and in 2000. The problem was that in 2001 they lost a lot of money. Budgets became very tight very quickly. People didn't want to pay for us to spend the time that we had to spend in order to get the more complicated 2000 tax returns correct. Added to this were a number of factors -- clients didn't want to think about the past and thus were late getting us the data; the data was late coming from other sources (partnerships, etc.); and then there was the emotional upheaval of September 11, 2001. Business as usual wasn't.

The night of October 15, 2001 we had clients waiting in our lobby. They were waiting for me to approve the calculations and press print on the returns so that they could sign them and then we would make a run to the airport post office, which is open until midnight. With only a few minutes to go, I still had three clients waiting. It was awful. The paper was so fresh from the printer as they signed their names that one client got a little burn on his finger.

We swore that we would never do that again. And for six years we were usually finished by October 14 (with a couple of fires to put out on the 15th). We were sure that with proper planning and hard work, we could always make it happen.

About a month ago, we thought this year might be more difficult than usual. But up until a week before the deadline, we thought we could handle it. But with seven days to go, we had 50 returns still to complete and the man hours required came to more hours than what was available in a week's time, and that was without accounting for sleeping and eating.

Our staff meeting was not a happy one. As I am the managing associate, I felt and received the majority of the blame for our impending doom. I had been working 12 to 18 hours a day for over a month and still we were in trouble. Again, several factors led us to this point -- clients procrastinating, late data from underlying partnerships (and VERY complex partnerships at that), the death of my boss' father-in-law (which took him out of commission for about a week), and a lack of staff (we have been short-handed all year). I went home the next morning around 6 or 7 and before collapsing into bed, prayed with all my heart for a miracle. I told God that I knew He could perform a miracle on our behalf, even if it meant sending an angel with a background in tax accounting to help. I was impressed to NOT ask for an angel to come down, which I thought was an odd impression, but I obeyed and simply replied that I knew that He knew our predicament and that I would leave it in His hands.

I arrived at the office around 3 pm later that day to find out that my associates had been on the phone calling in favors all morning. We would be receiving the help of two very qualified individuals for the better part of the week and most especially on the weekend. We had to pay them an exorbitant hourly rate, but we did so willingly, knowing that less profits for us was preferred to no profits at all (which would happen should we fail to provide the returns to our clients before the deadline). We prioritized the remaining clients by geography (furthest away got first attention as their returns needed time to get to them) and travel schedules (many were traveling around the deadline date).

That final week was very tough. But the bottom line is that we basically made it. There were three clients who did not get filed on October 15. All three agreed to file late, mostly because they knew that their tardiness in providing us the data had led them to this point. At the moment I am taking a break in between completing two of those clients (the third still owes us data, but is currently travelling in China for work).

Most importantly, though, I need to exclaim that our Father knows us, cares about us, and provides miracles in our lives. No, this miracle wasn't about feeding thousands with a single loaf of bread. Nor were any lame made to walk. But I didn't need to be healed of lameness, blindness, or hunger. I needed help of a different sort. And while it doesn't make for compelling writing or reading, it was a crisis in my life and He provided the miracle.

Of course, there are those who would say that the help came from friends and family. And they would be correct to a point. But what influence came into those friends' lives to prompt them to give up their nights and weekend to help us? Was it just the financial incentive? I don't believe that it was anything less than a caring Father in Heaven making the way possible for them to come to our assistance. And His plan was probably set into motion some time ago, as He already knew what I needed long before I asked. But He didn't inspire us to make those calls until it became desperate and I found myself on my knees pleading for a miracle.

There is a print of a painting in my home that depicts the Savior pulling Peter out of the water. This is the end of the "walking on the water" story in Matthew. I like this rendition as the artist shows the tendons and veins on the arms. Jesus' hold on Peter is not a limp handshake, but a grasp of His hand around Peter's outstretched forearm. There is desperation and strength and effort shown. It shows the Savior PULLING Peter out of the stormy water, not just lending him a hand for him to grab at (and maybe miss). And then comes the Savior's words, "Wherefore didst thou doubt?". Was this a rebuke regarding Peter's faith to walk on the water or was it a rebuke regarding his faith in the Savior to always be there for him? After this past month, I can at least apply the latter idea to my own life. Why did I doubt that He would help me, even when my problems, while large to me, are so small in comparison to world events and issues? Why do we not think that God cares about us individually and that He knows what we need and want, however insignificant in the grand scheme of life?

And yet that is the point of knowing our relationship with God. He is our Father. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my son, however trivial or odd. And I know that my own father would have done anything for me had I asked him. Well, then the words of the Savior come back to us -- Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? (Matt. 7:9-11)

So it is once again that I learn that God cares for me like a Father. I have always known this and yet these events in my life continue to bring this point home. Maybe that is what we (or at least I) need to learn -- we need to understand our relationship with God. We need to know that He cares about us, individually and personally. And that He knows our struggles and weaknesses and only wants us to succeed in life and beyond. I mean, what do you want for your children? What would make you the most happy to see them achieve or accomplish? So it is with our Heavenly Parents and with our Older Brother. I know how much I care for my siblings -- would Christ's love be any less? Of course not. In fact, it is a billion times more potent. I know that I am happy when I see my siblings succeed. Of course, Jesus is happy to see us succeed. And succeed in everything that we do in righteousness. It doesn't have to be just "church" work, but in all aspects of our lives. They want us to be whole and perfect. And that means in one's profession and in one's family and in one's standing with all of God's children and creations.

God grants miracles in our lives. They serve many purposes, but this one is common -- they confirm to us that He loves us. He has the means to save us, even from our own mistakes and foolishness. And He is always willing to do so. All we have to do is ask. Sometimes, like Peter, it is with desperation and a cry, "Lord, save me!" And sometimes the help comes with a loving rebuke, "Wherefore didst thou doubt?" But He is ALWAYS ready to grasp our arm and pull us from the stormy sea. All we have to do is ask.

Happy Birthday, Mom

Today is my mother's birthday (she is also turning 69 this year). I don't have enough time to discuss this event, but I wanted to note it and then in a couple of weeks I will know that I need to discuss my mother a little more. Suffice it to say that it is hard to find a good woman in this world -- I was blessed to be born to one, to have four others as sisters, and then I married the best one. I guess I am either very lucky or the adage is wrong -- good women abound. Maybe we men are just blind and stupid (that's probably it).

So Much To Do, So Little Time...

I can't believe how long it has been since my last post. I don't know if everyone has been waiting on pins and needles wondering whatever happened to me. More than likely, the few people who do look here just understand that life is sometimes very hectic.

On several occasions I have thought, "that would make a great topic to discuss on my blog" and then not done anything about it. Now that I am here I can't remember any of them.

So for right now, here is the deal -- I am busy beyond belief and that is as it should be. I am looking forward to going on a cruise with my family in November, which will hold a special treat in that my sister and I are trying to put together a winning talent show act (vocal duet to knock the audience over). We used to sing a lot together when we were teenagers. Time and distance have prevented us from repeating such experiences much, so this is something I am anticipating with joy. Hopefully, we will do well, but more importantly, we will enjoy it. She has an amazing voice and musical ability. This should be a lot of fun.

Fear not -- I will rant against all things stupid and disturbing later. But for today, suffice it to say that with one month to go before the drop dead filing date for individual tax returns, I can be found chained to my desk. Don't cry for me -- when the work is done there will be two months of relaxation. It is an odd job with an odd schedule, but I like it.