The Finer Points of Rude Hand Gestures

Home to Energy recently wrote about trying to explain the American Middle Finger Salute to her six-year-old and finding that this conversation only leads to a discussion of "the birds and the bees" (which she was graciously spared by possibly divine intervention). Granted, I laughed until I had tears when I read (and then again shared) this account. But it got me to thinking about rude hand gestures and why they evolve.

I am only guessing here, but I would assume that The Middle Finger is probably anatomical in origin as is the British and Australian V (backwards "peace" sign). The Asian "got your nose" gesture and the South American "OK" sign probably also fit into this category. And all of them are rude sexual references. But the French Thumb Nail Bite and Beard Flip make no sense to me at all (eh, they are French -- what more explanation do you need?).

My office manager mentioned that when she was a child her older sister explained to her that the middle finger gesture was "all of the bad words rolled up into one". And that is as good an explanation as any for a child's understanding. I don't think that children need to know that a middle finger is a rude sexual gesture, per se, but just that it is as bad a gesture as it can be. Truth be told, gestures are not usually literal anyway; although, I was once propositioned by a hooker in Korea with the "got your nose" gesture -- and yes, I am sure that she meant "come on up and see me" and not just "get the heck out of here you stupid American". But that one incident aside, usually the gestures are just meant to be rude. Thus, a vague explanation of "it's a very bad gesture" is not inaccurate.

It is also interesting to me that when people want to be the most mean to each other they suggest that the other person engage in a form of physical intimacy that is usually quite pleasurable (unless, of course, the suggestion is one that is physically impossible, like "go do yourself", which makes no sense at all, or is morally reprehensible, like "go do your [fill in the relative]"). Personally, I don't use such language or hand gestures. They are rude and for the most part I try to be as "non-rude" as I can be.

And then this line of thinking hearkens me back to a conversation I had with HTE and our brother about the meaning of words and the fundamentally moral value of words themselves. My point (and HTE did not fully agree at the time, and I would doubt she has changed her mind since then) was that words in and of themselves are worthless. They are merely sounds to which we have assigned sentiment and meanings, but that to other people, particularly other languages, these words are nothing more than random sounds. For that matter, the glyphs you are reading right now are no more than scratchings to which we have assigned meanings and associated sounds. For example, the sounds of that "evil" middle finger gesture word (yes, the "F" word) are used extensively in Vietnamese (I think it means noodle, and is Anglicized as "Phuk" or something like that). Sounds are neither evil nor good. They are just sounds. That does not give us license to go around spouting sounds that are offensive to those around us, but we should also not take offense at the sounds we hear.

In fact, we shouldn't take offense even when the sounds spouted are intended to offend us. I don't use nor care for the dreaded "F" word, but I don't flinch every time it is heard in my presence. If I were a teacher of children, then maybe I would try to curb such behaviors as a means of teaching social responsibility or manners or just better vocabulary skills. But I am not a teacher and so all I can do is be an example of one who speaks with more useful words. If the time ever presented itself that only the "F" word were appropriate, then I would use it. But I have yet to find such a time (although in an ancient Latin poem where the word was "Latinized" the usage is funny as it both rhymes and turns the phrase into a double entendre -- but that is a rare example).

The lesson for today -- learn all the words you can and use them to the utter disgust of everyone you meet. I have found that having a somewhat broad vocabulary gets me into trouble -- either I will use a word incorrectly or no one will have a clue what I am saying or both. But I think that is better than sounding like a Smurf.

If Worse Comes to Worst, We're Skrewed

Happy Birthday, Dad! It is seventy years ago today that my father was born.

I realize that several of my posts address my father's life and impact on me. I guess that just says how much he means to me.

Silly Pun (my dad liked these too): If your father is from Canada and your mother is from Chile, does that make you a Canachile (pronounced: can-a-chili)?

OK, the groaning can stop now.

The Universe is Expanding; that should ease the traffic

At the end of the week, my wife, son, mother and I leave for Europe. We have been looking forward to this trip for months. And while many say things like "you deserve to go on vacation" I'm still just a pedantic stick in the mud -- I don't DESERVE to go on a vacation. I WANT to go on vacation. I can AFFORD to go on vacation. I may even NEED a vacation. But DESERVE is just such a strange sentiment.

And maybe I'm the only one who thinks about such things. But the only thing anyone DESERVES, outside of life and liberty (which are God-given gifts) is the chance to prove himself. And when we have been proven, can we merit any deserts? Or even any desserts? We cannot truly make claim to the first, and we probably don't need the second (however much we may desire it).

But enough pointless ranting for today. I'm very happy to be going. And I intend to leave cares and worries behind. At least that is what I am trying to do. Unfortunately, in order to go on vacation, one must work extra hard to finish everything needed to be done and then I know that as soon as I get back, there will be a mountain waiting for my attention.

I guess that is the price we must pay in order to play. Work is still a four-letter word.

The title to this post is from Steven Wright. I just like it. I have no intention of expanding on it.

However, there is a topic about which I do wish to rant or muse -- global catastrophic fear. My wife was watching a Discovery program the other day about our "global footprint". It was a program that graphically detailed the amount of goods, etc. that each person consumes, uses, or discards in one's lifetime. It was interesting and informative and the graphics were very well done (it took hours to set up all of the pints of milk they laid out to show the amount consumed by one person over the course of his average life). But while it gave you this guilt trip about how much of a "footprint" the average person makes, it gave no answers.

And that is because there are no answers. Yes, we should be aware of what we consume and we should be conservative, and even change our lives and lifestyles if appropriate, but this overwhelming guilt and fear that man is destroying the Earth has got to stop. The Earth was made for man, not the other way around. And I think we lose track of what is important. "There is enough and to spare." Not that there is enough to waste, and wasting resources is sinful in my opinion, but we shouldn't be working ourselves into a fit about the Earth drying up (or flooding or whatever). We should use the knowledge we have to be the best we can be. But becoming fearful of the future is just as sinful as wasting resources.

I'm tired of the constant bickering on this topic. Maybe they bicker because they do not understand the full picture (and few people do understand it). The bottom line is this -- the world will end, there will be catastrophes, those who are prepared have no need to fear, and the others will die. There will be suffering and joy. There will be acts of selflessness and selfishness. There will be money made and lost. And many people will live through it in one way or another, right or wrong, better or worse. The only real difference is that we can prepare for what is to come and we can know that the endgame will be "great and terrible."

So stop bickering. The polar ice caps are melting. The seasons are more severe. We should do what we can to be more economical and profitable (yes, it all comes down to spending resources in the end). And we should stop hating everyone else who doesn't believe the same as we do. If they refuse to see the light in front of their faces, they will be burned in the end.

What is the worst that could happen? Death? Death isn't so bad -- I've seen a lot of people die (or at least, I've attended their funerals) and I can tell you one thing is for sure -- EVERYBODY is going to die sooner or later. The only question you need to ask is "if I were hit by a truck today, could I face God and not shrink in shame?". The rest of it all -- did I do everything I needed to do, did I love enough, did I prepare enough, did I teach enough, etc. etc. etc. -- is all minor drivel in the end. The only thing that matters is can you face your Maker today and be able to enjoy His loving embrace. He will take care of the families we leave behind. Yes, we can do things to help make that transition easier on the "survivors". And maybe I will write about that process in another post. But we should tune our focus today, feel joy today, put aside fear today, live life today, and be prepared for the only test that really matters. All else will fall into place behind.

Ordination to High Priest

I am not usually the kind of person that feels comfortable writing about accomplishments or milestones in my life, and I am not all that comfortable now. Yes, those who know me would probably scoff and say something about being conceited or some such, but I really do feel a bit of guilt when I mention that I've been ordained to this or called to that. I have no problem telling people that I'm an amazing accountant. That is a little odd, isn't it?

Bottom line (since I have very little time): tonight my Uncle ordained me to the office of High Priest. It was an extremely moving and emotional experience and the blessing pronounced helped in ways that made me know that my Uncle was inspired (there was no way he could know about that which I privately struggle and yet those concerns were addressed in a very personal manner).

Since the Bishop asked me if I was ready to be ordained, I have studied the office of High Priest and I have been impressed by this holy calling and that others consider me worthy of it. The words of my Uncle (or, more appropriately, the words of my Father in Heaven spoken through my Uncle) confirmed to me that the Lord and Our Father consider me worthy of this office. And now I will live up to Their trust and fulfill the duties associated with being a High Priest. It is a little odd, but I actually feel different -- revitalized, more powerful, more holy since being ordained earlier tonight. During my drive back to work I could feel the calm power of the priesthood in me. It reminded me of when I was ordained an Elder and when I was baptized. These are cleansing ordinances for a man -- and they make him a man of God.

There is so much more that I feel, but cannot express in words tonight. I fear that if I don't write something, I will lose this opportunity to express myself. And thus I am sharing this very personal and holy moment with you. I do not write it here to boast, but just to make it known, if only to me, that tonight I felt the changing power of the love of our Father in Heaven and His Son, our Savior.

Tasteless Joke

You've been warned...

Did you hear about the lawyer with diarrhea?

He thought he was melting.

For some reason, I just needed to share that one. There may be others coming. Again, you were warned. And do you know how hard that word is to spell?

Welcome To Tax Season

You can leave your sanity outside -- life is crazy in here.

I've wanted to write for some time. I really wanted to write on Leap Day since it doesn't come around very often. I even started a post and then the computer ate it (no, really, the screen blipped and my writing was gone -- I guess I wasn't meant to say those things).

The other day my sister, wife and I (with others in the room commenting as they could) had a conversation about addictions. She was saying something that I have agreed with since I saw the movie "What The Bleep Do We Know?" My wife didn't like the film, but I found it to be very interesting. One point that was brought up was that addiction is a brain chemical reaction -- certain behaviors trigger a chemical reaction in our brains that after a while our brains crave. Thus, we become addicted to the behavior. This wasn't new to me, but the twist that I liked was that the behavior didn't have to be the usual cadre of addictions (tobacco, alcohol, narcotics, caffeine, chocolate, sex, etc.). Some, in fact many, people become addicted to certain attitudes, be they good or bad, because the same chemical reaction occurs.

I'm sure you have met that person who is never happy unless she is complaining (forgive me if that sounded sexist by making the person female -- very unintentional). In fact, she is never happy, period. And you wonder why she is always complaining. It is because she is addicted to a negative behavior. And while she isn't happy when she is complaining, her brain is getting that chemical stimulus that it craves. Thus, she HAS to complain or she will go through withdrawal symptoms.

I find this fascinating. And my sister did, too (as far as I could tell). She mentioned that she didn't think that she had ever been addicted to anything. I referenced a time in her life when she was very depressed and was complaining often, even seeking sympathy from any and all, and made the point that she could have been addicted to being depressed at that time. I don't think that she liked my thought and I hope I didn't offend her. But I do wonder if when we are in deep depression, which she was (and we should all give her a break due to the circumstances of those months -- she lost a father and a husband in rapid succession), if our brains don't start to feed on that depression and begin to crave it more, or at least crave the chemical reaction that is stimulated by the depressive thoughts flooding in.

Could this be why the best cure for depression seems to be to do something for someone else? If we starve the brain of its chemical fix, we have to literally replace that "high" with something else. Service to others and the love we receive from the recipient and from the Spirit is a powerful alternative drug to depression (or any other addictive attitude). As I watched my sister go from depressed lump to vibrant single working mother, I noticed that she helped to overcome her depression through service to others, including her sons, her extended family, her church callings, and her work. She works in early childhood education and while that is a place not reserved for this Accounting Man, she seems to thrive there (and more power to her).

Whether she agrees with me or not, I think my sister overcame her depression and her addiction to it through service and hard work. "Forget Yourself" is good advice to any and all, but especially I think to those who can do nothing but feel down. If we can turn towards others, and in a very real way, turn towards our Savior, depression will have no place in our world. And our brains will stop craving it and start to crave the high of serving others and feeling good about them and us.

What a marvelous thing this body is! It may take an eternity to get it to a state of perfection because it is such a complicated thing. But the interesting point is that when we subject the physical to the spiritual, the physical follows along very nicely and both are exalted.

The Faith of the Few

Daredevil Mom posted a quick note to ask for the prayers of her readers in behalf of her friend. No details were shared, but this friend has need of divine help (I happen to know the situation and I will be adding my prayers). What touched me was that within moments, one of her readers responded that she would pray for this person, even though the reader had no idea what was needed nor even the person's name.

I've written before that we are all part of the family of God -- He is our Father and we are all brothers and sisters in a very real way. Of course, we would pray for our sister, and do anything else in our power to help her, since we love her as a brother or sister would. By the same token, our hearts are grieved by the actions taken against our sister by a man who has been cruel and devilish. This man is also our brother. And while his actions have been those of a monster, we should pray for him too. We should pray that he will find repentance and forgiveness, even if we know that his actions are dark and sinister.

I have always said that I am glad that I am not the ultimate judge. Part of me would like to see justice pronounced upon this man -- and by justice I mean pain equal to what he has caused to others. But I realize even as I write such thoughts here, that to demand justice for him would be to deny him the mercy Christ freely gives to all of us. I am in no position to condemn this man and probably have need to repent of such an evil thought. For since I am not God, it is not my place to take away from one of His children the gift of life and agency He has given us all.

Lucifer's plan was to usurp God's domain. God the Father alone has the authority to judge His children. He gives that authority to Christ, who sits upon the judgement seat and offers to us the opportunity to repent. If we accept Christ's atonement, His mercy, then He pleads for us when we stand before the Father, humbly asking to return to Their presence. To take upon myself the role of judge and deny another what I myself need in so much abundance would be a grievous error indeed. Thus, I am glad that the judgement is not my responsibility -- by myself, without divine intervention, I would probably be a poor judge.

But back to my original thoughts (the blog is titled "musings" -- I tend to ramble in my musings). DM's friends love her enough to pray for someone they do not know, but only know that this is a person that DM loves. My friend's friends are my friends and my sister's sister is my sister, too. Well, of course she is our friend and sister, if not by blood, then by spirit. And if all of DM's blog readers pray for "DM's friend" what miracles could occur? If mountains can be moved by the faith of one, could whole worlds be shaken by the combined faith of a few? If all of the church members prayed for the same thing, with faith that their prayers would be answered, would that thing come to pass?

I'm inclined to think that it would, for better or for worse. Like any parent, when all of your children ask fervently for the same thing, are you not inclined to grant them their desires? And especially if their desires are the same as your desires? But that must be the key -- do we ask amiss? We won't if we follow the promptings of the Spirit and ask only for that which needs to come to pass. Why then do we need to ask at all if we are only asking for that which our Father already intends to provide? The answer I think lies in the truth that this life is for OUR perfection. We must learn the lessons and one of those lessons is how to listen to the Spirit. The power that comes from aligning our lives with the will of the Father is greatly untapped, in my opinion.

And what if so many, while only a few, were to listen to the Spirit and then pray for their brothers and sisters? Could the world be improved and peace finally reign? If we turn our hearts to each other, will our hearts be increased in love? Will we finally see one another as we truly are? Maybe I am asking for the promised utopia of Christ's Millennial Reign. But could we find some peace, if not worldwide, then in pockets here and there, by just praying for each other, even when we only know that our unknown brother or sister is in need? If we find ourselves praying for even those we don't know have we attained a new level of love and spirituality? Wouldn't we be closer to being ready for Christ's coming?

And thus it is that I pray tonight for DM's friend. And I pray in thankfulness for DM's readers who love DM enough to add their prayers to hers and mine. And if you don't mind, I pray for you, dear reader. You too are my sibling and if for nothing else, I'm grateful for your attention. Maybe you can join me in prayer for DM's friend. I don't care if you are a member of my church or another or don't belong to any church. God is still our Father and He listens to our prayers.